Prime Minister Tony Blair announced today his cabinet would be launching a new reality television show. The reality TV show entitled “Deportation Island” will mark the Prime Minister’s directorial debut and represents a direct public relations offensive to combat sliding approval ratings. A poll conducted by The Telegraph places the Prime Minister’s personal approval rating at just 36%.
Executive producers of “Deportation Island” include Home Secretary Charles Clarke and Lord Levy. Clarke was asked to become executive director following his extensive experience handling deportation issues. Only yesterday Clarke admitted that 1,023 foreign prisoners had been freed without being considered for deportation. Lord Levy (also known as “Lord Cashpoint” given his role as a key Labour party fundraiser) was brought on board not only because he has donated a lot, lot, lot of money to the Labour party but due to his “recent experience” in the world of entertainment (during the 1960’s and 1970’s Lord Levy managed singers including Alvin Stardust and Chris Rea).
“Deportation Island” will be an unscripted quest series that will feature teams of foreign and British convicted criminals who will be provided with a series tasks, aimed at getting them deported from the United Kingdom. The winning team will receive a non-transferable lifetime membership to the Guantanamo “super hostel” located in the Shetland Islands. Producers of the show confirmed earlier statements by the National Association of Probation Officers (NAPO) in regards to the fact the super hotels “ would feel like mini-jails”.
Media analysts see “Deportation Island”as a perfect product placement opportunity for the government – not only to promote their high security “super hostels” scheme for criminals on probation but other programs such as their ID card scheme. It is believed the press team of “Deportation Island” is seeking one major corporate sponsor for the show. Initial discussions were had with HP Foods, but negotiations broke down when the shows producers realised having HP Brown Sauce, plastered all over the show, although a wholesome choice, agravated the Prime Minister.
A spokesperson for “Deportation Island” confirmed the show would only air on BBC 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10 and 133 given “the BBC had to make minor "programming concessions" to the government following the extension of the television license fee to fund the organisations activities”. In order to create a "melting pot of subversion" the producers of "Deportation Island" announced foreigners and British nationals would be mixed to create four teams. The teams have yet to be named; although names such as "Pimps & Whores from the East" and "The Probation Boys" where already labelled "as slightly derogatory" by the shows legal advisers.
Furthermore, it was revealed the first episode of “Deportation Island” will have the four teams face a daunting double challenge. Challenge #1: smuggle ten unsuspecting foreigners illegally into the United Kingdom and get thrown in jail. Challenge #2 take them to the A&E of an NHS trust hospital and get seen by the doctor. The aim is for the teams to get either prosecuted or seen by a doctor - which ever takes the least amount of time.
Unconfirmed reports indicate “Deportation Island” would feature guest celebrities that would mimic the antics of Sir Alan Sugar and Donald Trump in other reality TV shows. After a series of focus groups the idea of having Nick Griffin, leader of the notorious British National Party, yelling “You are Deported!” to the losing team each week was dropped.
The issue of deportation and immigration is a global. Case in point, immigrants account for 17% of Canada's population (only Australia surpasses Canada in terms of the immigrant percentage: 21%). A large portion of the Canadian legal and illegal immigrant population is Portuguese. The attached video is a parody of a recent decision by the Federal Immigration Minister Monte Solberg to deport a group of Portuguese workers. Most of the deportees had come to Canada a year earlier after the then-Liberal government opened the doors to skilled workers at the request of employers facing a dire shortage of workers. Enjoy!
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